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Hilarious NPCs

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Re: Hilarious NPCs

Postby The Black Arrow » May 6th, 2009, 5:27 am

Hey, hey guys...you know about "Firestarter Kid", right?

This little girl:
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Well..I think I found her dad... XD
http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e393/Pwn3d_by_a_Grapefruit/IMG_0241.jpg
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Re: Hilarious NPCs

Postby Eskayti » May 6th, 2009, 6:16 am

Ulrich's a strange one - good shot by the way!

I wish he had more to say than he does, but I always run up to him anyway just to hear him yell, "I don't know you and I don't care to know you!" ... then his, "Get out of my way before I have you slapped in irons!" ... I especially love this after my Personality and Fame points are high because he always smiles afterward. Now how can you take a threat like that seriously when he smiles!
Cat's out of the bag on that one! Who puts cats in bags anyway? Cats hate bags.
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Re: Hilarious NPCs

Postby Katherine » May 6th, 2009, 1:21 pm

Tom wrote:Heh, that's petty funny. I have one, too. I've already mentioned it in another topic, but it applies here. Once, I was in my home in Bravil and a guard came in, looked at me and said something like "We're here to serve," and then he walked into my bedroom, took off his armor, and laid in my bed and went to sleep. Then, I waited an hour, and when the waiting was over he got up out of my bed, put his armor back on, and walked out. Odd happenings. :)


lmao - wth? was he offering some kind of escort services that sounds really funny :lol:
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Re: Hilarious NPCs

Postby The Black Arrow » May 6th, 2009, 5:37 pm

Eskayti wrote:Ulrich's a strange one - good shot by the way!

I wish he had more to say than he does, but I always run up to him anyway just to hear him yell, "I don't know you and I don't care to know you!" ... then his, "Get out of my way before I have you slapped in irons!" ... I especially love this after my Personality and Fame points are high because he always smiles afterward. Now how can you take a threat like that seriously when he smiles!



:lol: Oh man...Maybe that's why he gave me that weird look! I'll bet Ulrich could come out with some gems if only he wasn't such a jerk. xD
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Re: Hilarious NPCs

Postby The Black Arrow » May 12th, 2009, 8:32 pm

More hilarious things!

Xivilai upskirt!

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That's probably more of a Deadra than you ever want to see, but frankly, I was disappointed. Tough guy like that, and THAT'S all that's under there? *scoffs*


Is he dead, or relaxing on the beach?

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I'm...not too sure...O_o


Scandal of the Era!

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Okay...so there was this party at Glarthir's house, right? And this guy kept giving me the eye. I recognized him as a city guard and thought he was going to arrest me because I had eaten before I got to the party (vampire here), and I was nervous. But he simply comes over and introduces himself. So, okay, I'd had a few swigs of Surielle Brother's and was looking for a good time...So, we end up back at Rosethorn. Now, between us walking through the door and the next morning, I have NO IDEA what happened.I remember letting Eyja off early and she tottered down to the basement and my guest and I headed upstairs, apparently. Ok, now...I have NO idea what went on, but all I knew was that the next morning, I had a killer headache, my shoulders and back hurt and there was a naked guy in my bed. What? What do me mean?! Of course I assumed the worst! There was a naked man in the bed with me!!! Now, to the best of my knowlege, I didn't DO anything...but when I prodded him awake and asked what was going on, he went crazy...Like, screaming crazy. Yelling and crying crazy...So, he went to jump out of bed, and tripped over the sheets and banged his head on the bedside table. He blacked out. I slipped out of bed and pulled some pants on, wondering what on earth to do now. As I looked around for some sort of aid that wasn't there, the guy comes to again, and starts threatening to have me arrested. Now, you can threaten my life, you can threaten my family, but you never, EVER threaten to have me arrested. So, as he was getting up and trying to head to the door, I grabbed my nearby Deadic dagger and stabbed him in the neck. He slumped against the bed where, thankfully, the blood didn't show so well. Then I thought..."what now?!" He was dead, naked, in my room. I couldn't very well drag him through the house into the basement, Eyja would lose it. She already suspects me of being a vampire, I think. (She seems to think "something's amiss"...) So, I wiped off my blade, put it back on the shelf...

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and stuffed the corpse behind the bed. I'd take care of him later that night. I made the bed back up, and put Dyna (the claymore) back in her spot and left for the day...Vicolth Tallavay, the Jeff Dahmer of Cyrodill.
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Re: Hilarious NPCs

Postby Tom » May 15th, 2009, 10:44 pm

The Black Arrow wrote:Okay...so there was this party at Glarthir's house, right? And this guy kept giving me the eye. I recognized him as a city guard and thought he was going to arrest me because I had eaten before I got to the party (vampire here), and I was nervous. But he simply comes over and introduces himself. So, okay, I'd had a few swigs of Surielle Brother's and was looking for a good time...So, we end up back at Rosethorn. Now, between us walking through the door and the next morning, I have NO IDEA what happened.I remember letting Eyja off early and she tottered down to the basement and my guest and I headed upstairs, apparently. Ok, now...I have NO idea what went on, but all I knew was that the next morning, I had a killer headache, my shoulders and back hurt and there was a naked guy in my bed. What? What do me mean?! Of course I assumed the worst! There was a naked man in the bed with me!!! Now, to the best of my knowlege, I didn't DO anything...but when I prodded him awake and asked what was going on, he went crazy...Like, screaming crazy. Yelling and crying crazy...So, he went to jump out of bed, and tripped over the sheets and banged his head on the bedside table. He blacked out. I slipped out of bed and pulled some pants on, wondering what on earth to do now. As I looked around for some sort of aid that wasn't there, the guy comes to again, and starts threatening to have me arrested. Now, you can threaten my life, you can threaten my family, but you never, EVER threaten to have me arrested. So, as he was getting up and trying to head to the door, I grabbed my nearby Deadic dagger and stabbed him in the neck.

That sounds like an unusually customized event. Do you have any Mods installed for this character that enable NPCs to act in such a way? I can't imagine that such intricate behavior was coded into Oblivion for NPCs.
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Re: Hilarious NPCs

Postby The Black Arrow » May 16th, 2009, 12:23 am

As much as I wish it had happened like that, all of that came from my head. xD I play in the PS3 so no mods for moi.



Here's what really happened:

I had just leveled up and when I woke, I was 50% vamp, so I needed to eat again. Now, I was panicking, wondering where I was going to get blood, but I realized that guards sleep all day. I headed on over to the Skingrad guard house and slipped into my Gray Fox cowl for a bite to eat. Of course, the jerk woke up so I had to make a dash for it. (Sometimes if I run fast enough the victim doesn't see me and I get no bounty.) But the bounty was attached to The Fox and so I ran back home, and into my bedroom, where I took the mask off. But the guard had chased me all the way there and still attacked me (even though I had NO bounty)! So, I killed him (as the Gray Fox) and thought to myself "Great. Now I have a corpse mussing up the decor." Then I got the amazing idea to strip him down and put him in my bed for a few lulz. Well, I couldn't get him in my bed (I tried for about 5 minutes), so I just dragged him over and stuffed him behind it, then came up with that amazing story on the fly.

And that's the whole truth. 8-)
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Re: Hilarious NPCs

Postby Tom » May 16th, 2009, 8:32 pm

Well, that makes more sense. :) Good story, nevertheless!
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Re: Hilarious NPCs

Postby The Black Arrow » May 17th, 2009, 4:49 am

Hehe, thanks, I'm full of 'em.
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Re: Hilarious NPCs

Postby Legolastom » May 22nd, 2009, 2:12 am

The Black Arrow wrote:Hehe, thanks, I'm full of 'em.


What? Naked guards?...
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